During the course of the 2022 season, we visited Thorpe Park a lot. Coupled with 2021s visits, I believe it makes it our second most visited park after Alton Towers. So, much like the Alton Towers blog, I think it would be fun to break down Thorpe park as though I were in charge!
The Good Things
Thorpe Park has some excellent coasters already, Stealth being my favourite there. Then there’s Saw, Swarm and Nemesis Inferno. All of these need very little doing to them at all.
The Walking Dead is a great little indoor coaster, that has great theming but can sometimes fall a bit short when there isn’t any live actors around the show building.
The park itself is also quite compact so getting from The Swarm to Saw takes no time at all, especially when compared with Alton Towers!
I particularly like the Amity area of the park too, its 1950s Americana theme, coupled with the destruction caused by Tidal Wave makes of r an interesting way to theme an area, and its executed very well. The radio station that play sin the area, WWTP is a laugh but also plays some excellent era defining tunes.
The Not So Good
Colossus
Colossus is the first big issue that needs tackling in my eyes. The coaster has recently celebrated its 20th operating season and has direct competition and comparison with Sik at Flamingo Land. Though I don’t feel that Sik will ever over take Colossus as the fan favourite, Sik outclasses colossus in pretty much every way except for theming and landscaping.
As Colossus is well established, the area surrounding it is quite pretty, well planted and a nice place to be. However, some of the theming elements have grown to look a bit tired. Take the cobra roll out for example. There’s plenty of room for a water feature there, and with the UKs weather, the pit usually has some water in it anyway, so why not make this and actual water feature, with fountains and such?
Then there’s the trains themselves. These need replacing as they are nothing like as good as the ones that Sik has. The lap bar restraints offer so much more freedom of movement, open up the train much more and make it much easier to get in and out of. I have read somewhere that Sik’s trains won’t fit on Colossus’ track as the versions are drastically different which would make it difficult but certainly not impossible to rectify! I hope Intamin can do something here.
Access issues aren’t only an issue that Colossus has, Stealth and Rita have the same issues, where the restraints are so bulky that the make it a bit difficult to get in and out of. The difference between Stealth/Rita and Colossus is that Stealth/Rita don’t need you to pass your bags across the train, where Colossus does. Siks trains make this much easier to deal with! Perhaps this issue could be somewhat alleviated by having baggage drop off before the station in someway.
Demographic
Thorpe Park has been through a lot of changes over the years, changing from a family orientated park, to a primarily thrill seeking park. I think this is a good idea myself as there are plenty of parks out there that cater for family’s, plenty that are focused on kids but fewer have a purely thrill seeking audience, especially in the UK. I think they should really try to add a few more thrilling attractions to the park specifically designed for younger audiences. That way the park can remain the thrill capitol of the UK as well as catering for families too. Legoland and Chessington are close enough that they can cover for the families who don’t want too many thrills, leaving Thorpe Park there to cover thrills!
If it were me, I’d be looking to couple together the few smaller attractions currently at the park into their own area, possibly closer to the Thorpe Shark Cabins. Flying Fish and Depth Charge are already ideally located for this, but High Roller could be moved closer to them, along with Mr Monkeys Banana Ride. Thorpe Park recently built a playground for kids right by Depth Charge so I think this makes even more sense.
This would not only make an area of the park that younger audiences could stick to, but would also help to alleviate another issue concerning Thorpe Shark Cabins that I’ll touch on later.
Project Exodus
This will be Thorpe Parks newest coaster, being the tallest in the UK, and possibly also the fastest too. However if I were in charge and I could do what I wanted, I wouldn’t be building exodus in its current form.
The old town section would still be used as the station area, but I’d have gone with a traditional style giga coaster that would really put Thorpe park on the map. Not only to UK guests but to international guests too.
I’d make it at least 300ft tall and have a drop that is slightly longer than that, going under ground for added thrill factor, coupled with a truly monstrous Inversion or two would see this version of exodus dwarf the current offering. I think the current plans look good, but I share a similar feeling with the rest of the theme park enthusiast community in that the proposed ride did initially look a bit underwhelming. I’m sure it’ll be fine of course, but I think a huge out and back would have looked much better myself.
Plus Merlin could get very excited in marketing the UKs first and only Giga coaster. nothing else even comes close to the 300ft height I’d be intending to build, let alone the drop I would have added. Once again though, I think the current Exodus plans will still be thrilling and a good addition, just somewhat lacking as to what they could add. Thorpe Park is, at current, the only park that could realistically add something of this height, assuming planning permission was granted of course!
Angry Birds Land
Angry Birds land sits on a substantial plot of land, has 3 attractions and splits Amity in two, separating Stealth from the rest of the area.
I’d leave the Dodgems where they are, but theme them to Amity instead of Angry Birds, move Detonator away, possibly towards Saw and bulldoze the rest!
The 4d cinema takes up so much space, along with the surrounding buildings that I think this could be better used as free space for permanent stages and show areas. Thorpe park has added a few more events over the past few years, and they lack proper areas to stage their shows, relying on any remaining free space to erect temporary installations.
If Angry Birds land was moved, not only will it bring back continuity between Tidal Wave and Stealth, but it would also allow for a large covered area for their new shows and entertainment to take place. I think the Angry Birds property has somewhat fallen off in recent years and it feels a bit dated too. Though Thorpe Park, and Merlin in general seems to really like IP based areas and attractions as of late.
Storm Surge and Rumba Rapids
Storm Surge is a bit of an eyesore, sticking out in the skyline and not really offering much in return. Rumba Rapids on the other hand was a fun little attraction that has had a lot of the life drained from it with recent incidents on UK rapids rides.
I’d look to remove then completely, and have them replaced with a water coaster. I’d put the coaster over where Rumba Rapids is as that occupies a lot of land so would make for a much more impressive layout, and it keeps it away from Tidal Wave which should be the main focus of the area it’s in.
As for the site where Storm Surge sits, I’d probably put in a flat ride of some description, something that would fit in with the Amity theme, not take up too much space, but have a good capacity for the crowds. As for what I’d put there, I’m not so sure. The first thing that comes to mind is a Waikiki Wave, a variant of the Top Spin model made by Vekoma. I know I’ve already suggested that Flamingo Land bring theirs back, but having a ride that repeatedly rolls over and over, situated directly across from Tidal Waves splash zone makes perfect sense to me!
Thorpe Shark Cabins
The onsite accommodation is decent but not perfect. The cabins are quite small but have enough in them for a basic stay. I’d look to make a permanent hotel with cabins as a budget option, and compliment this with more well equipped rooms for a bit more luxury.
One of the biggest glaring issues is the sheer lack of anything to do after the park has closed. To combat this, I’d leave open the arcade in the centre of the park, as well as having access to the smaller rides I mention earlier, Flying Fish, Depth Charge, High Roller and Mr Monkeys Banana Ride. With these being smaller attractions, they wouldn’t need as much man power to run but would still give guests something to do besides the very lack lustre offerings in the Dome.
Live entertainment could be put on in the new staged area I proposed earlier too, or the Dome could be used for this too as that is under used currently.
Derren Browns Ghost Train
Finally there’s Derren Browns Ghost Train. This attraction needs a lot of work I think. I get the idea behind using VR to isolate you from the outside world but the headsets are very clunky to get on, and I don’t feel offer all that much. The idea is quite good but the execution is terrible and even with a refresh it still doesn’t quite hold up to expectations.
I would look to remove the ride completely and replace it with a really good quality interactive dark ride. I bet no one saw that coming!
To help it stand out from the others in the UK, I’d lean it heavily on the horror theme, like Dual, but dialed up to 11. I’d have it run slower in most places so you can take in the scenes properly, speed the cars up in certain parts to give it a sense or urgency where needed and employ actors as well.
Not only would having live actors make it so they could chose where and when to scare you, but it would also be utilised as a scare attraction during Fright Nights too. If I had to, I’d attach and IP to it, but it would be reluctantly as I don’t think IPs are needed on well themed attractions myself. However if forced to, then possibly Stranger Things would work or go down the route of Dead By Daylight and turn the game into a ride?
Since writing this, Thorpe Park has removed all mention of Derren Brown from the ride and rethemed it to Ghost Train. It remains to be seen what the attraction will run like, but I doubt that it’ll be a huge change from what it was before, but we’ll see. For now, I’ll stand by removing it and putting in something new.
The Little Changes
I’d start by cleaning up Saw as the queue line has gotten very over grown and makes it look a bit of a mess. I don’t think it keeps in with the Saw theme myself as there are plenty of show scenes in the queue line that are slowly getting lost to the wilds!
A full renovation of Zodiac should be done to keep the ride going for as long as possible as Enterprise rides are starting to become quite rare and it would be great to see this ride go completely vertical and look it’s best too. Same for Vortex, Rush and any of the other rides that need it, just a good clean up of their areas and signage.
Stealth’s station could do to be covered over a little; as with Rita, both stations are open to the elements and having a bit of rain protection would be great! The queue line could do with a bit of a tidy up too, but nothing major.
Some of the retail outlets could do with being used or closed down entirely. During our visits this year, we really wanted Mexican food from Sombreros, but it’s never open. Same with Colossus hot dogs over in Lost City, that’s never open too.
I think this might be an overall issue with the Merlin Parks in general and it does mean that expansion is much easier but they seem to build new food outlets into the areas anyway leaving the old ones even less use!
I’d definitely want a better size range for their clothing too. I’m a 2xl and I have never seen any 2xl clothes at Thorpe Park, or Chessington for that matter too. Though they do stock this size at Legoland and Alton Towers, so I’m not sure why Thorpe Park doesn’t have larger sizes.
This is one of my bigger issues as I’d love to buy their t-shirts and hoodies but they just don’t fit so I end up not spending as much in the gift shops. Since I started writing this, Thorpe Park have confirmed that for the 2023 season, they will have larger sizes which is great news!
Conclusion
This has been a substantial break down of Thorpe Park and the way it operates and looks. The park is great as it is but could be so much better in my opinion if some of the above things were changed!
Overall I do enjoy Thorpe Park as it offers some of the top rides in the UK, and though I’ve written substantially more about how the bad things are compared with the good, I’ll still be visiting regularly!
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