Recently I’ve been seeing more and more people voicing their opinions and concerns over the Retro Squad at Alton Towers, and I thought I’d put my thoughts out there too.
To be completely blunt, I think they’re good and certainly do their intended job of helping with capacity. Don’t get me wrong, it would definitely be better if Alton Towers got some permanent, well themed flat rides instead, but the Retro Squad are a good second best.
I like that they have at least put some effort into making them more than just bog standard fairground attractions. They all have proper names and their frames are covered over with boards to make them look a bit tidier. They even have a little back story that they come from an alien planet and are summoned to assist. They do lean a lot on the 80s Transformers idea but I think it works well. If Michael Bay can make vending machines turn into Transformers, then Merlin can make park attractions!
The most recent Retro Squad ride, Twistotron seems to have had the most exposure as it has its own video showing how it’s been corrupted by some form of evil transformer, which I would read into it being some sort of villan. My hopes are that it is run at full power and shows off how fairground attractions are run, as the other Retro Squad rides are run a lot slower than they would be if they were at a local fair.
Roller Disco is a prime example of this. Its a standard Waltzer but is run slower so you barely spin at all. I’ve only ridden it once, and I enjoyed it as I find waltzers make me ill if they spin too fast, then stop, then spin too fast again. Roller Disco was a nice change as it didn’t make me ill at all, however I know many people have differing opinions, Tracy included!
Mixtape was a great little ride that if repainted and themed up a little would have been a decent ride to permanently fit into X-Sector. I don’t think Spinjam fits as well as what Mixtape did but still has that sort of sinister look to it that could work, at least a little!
The other ride is over in Forbidden Valley being Funk n’ Fly. This is a standard Super Trooper attraction and I don’t really have any feelings for it at all. It possibly could fit a little in with Galactica I suppose but only very loosely!
This year’s offering is Twistotron, a Trabant style, self built attraction that usually tours around Scottish funfairs and is placed on the site where Enterprise used to sit in X-Sector. I haven’t ridden this one as yet but I don’t think it is best suited for X-Sector. It would have fit a little better in Dark Forest or even on a plot of land by Spinball Whizzer to give that ride some backup.
I suppose really, my opinion is that they work well enough, they could be better and some would be better placed in other parts of the park.
I’ll definitely agree with the masses that Alton Towers needs some really good flat rides but what I don’t agree with is that funfair rides have no place in a theme park. Chessington is just about to open a new Jumani themed area and it’s two supporting rides are both things I would see at every funfair out there. A junior Miami Wave and a Super Jumper ride are both funfair attractions that are themed up to fit the area. Then there’s Ripsaw and Rameses Revenge. Though neither of these currently exist, they were both static installations of rides that are capable of touring the fair circuit. I could go on and on but I think I’ve started to make a dent in my point!
The point is that most people seem to jump in them for being funfair rides. Rides that have no place in a theme park. Rides that aren’t wanted and other things should be put in their place. Yet no one suggests any alternatives or even takes into account how many flat rides out there are perminant versions of touring rides (Mamba Strike, Ostrich Stampede, Vortex or Wave Swinger).
I think the new Intamin Dynamic Motion Stage would fit great in at Towers, or if that’s more of a dark ride then a Zamperla Energy Storm or Blendez, or how about a Technical Park Aerobat or Gerstlauer Sky Fly?
There are many different rides out there, and I bet a couple of the ones I’ve mentioned will end up on the touring circuit.
As for Retro Squad? Let’s just enjoy what we have, let Alton Towers use them to their advantage and hope that we start to see replacements for Ripsaw, Energiser, Submission and Enterprise in the near future!
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